The guest list for the inaugural National Urban Rat Summit in NYC

Mark your calendars! On Sept. 18 and 19, New York City will host its first National Urban Rat Summit. We did not have time to read the full press release, but we assume this will be a convention of thought-leading, move fast and break stuff, highly influential rats from across the United States. Here’s who we expect to see on the guest list.

Scabby – The foremost rodent labor advocate in the country has an incredibly packed schedule, but it is looking like Scabby will be able to scuttle on through for at least one day of the conference, perhaps accompanied by a picket line or a symbolic casket.

Buddy the Rat – Social media influencer Buddy the Rat will livestream from the summit to his 1.4 million YouTube subscribers. He will be available for a meet and greet near Trash Can A.

Scabbers – Ron Weasley’s pet who was actually a scary man? Don’t totally remember the plot, but he might be there too. Awaiting confirmation.

Pizza Rat – The rat that showed us that God never gives us a load we can’t carry will be presenting on “Moving a Slice of Pizza in the Digital Age,” North Gutter.

New York City Sanitation Rat – This rat was “sent packing” by the city Department of Sanitation. Well, joke’s on them because he was packing for a world motivational speaking tour that is culminating in his hometown with a keynote at 11 a.m. on Sept. 19 in Sinkhole 3.

R.O.U.S.s – Rodents of unusual size, made famous by “The Princess Bride,” will be providing security at the event. Rats are aware that they may face hostility from other species in New York City and have planned accordingly.

Chuck E. Cheese – I bet you thought Chuck was always a mouse. Well check your bias because Charles Entertainment Cheese was originally a rat, and we happen to know that he’s actually an epidemiologist. He’ll be presenting on communicable diseases endemic to the rat community and how to prevent them, Storm Drain 2A, East Wing.