Bill de Blasio’s online dating profile

Yet another couple you know in Brooklyn is opening up their relationship: Bill de Blasio and Chirlane McCray shared in an interview with the New York Times that they are amicably separating and looking to date other people, but are not getting divorced and will continue to live together at their home in Brooklyn, at least for now. De Blasio went on to say he’s “‘not a believer’ in online dating”, so we felt it was our solemn duty to step in and make him a dating profile for when he changes his mind.

Please send all serious romantic inquiries to editor@cityandstateny.com.

Name: Bill de Blasio

Age: 62 years old

Height: 6’5” (if you care about that kind of thing)

Sex: Yes please haha, no, male

Location: YMCA in Park Slope

Hair color: Salt & pepper or dark brown, depending on my relationship with hair dye

Kids: Two adult children, who are cringing right now

Criminal Record: Murder (of a groundhog)

Honors: #4 on City & State’s 2019 New York City Power 100

Relationship Status: Ethical non-monogamy

Job: Teaching at NYU and giving paid speeches in Italy, where I can eat pizza with a fork and knife in peace

Hobbies: Splitting the bill because I’m a feminist (and because I owe the COIB a large sum of money), toasting bagels (no that’s not a sex thing), being perennially late, being a wifeguy (that might be a sex thing), launching ill-advised political campaigns – but I swear that part of my life is OVER

Looking For: Ideally someone who has not already penned an essay entitled “I Am a Lesbian.” Someone I can thrive with but not Thrive NYC with. Cuomosexuals swipe left!