Cuomo-approved sports for quarantine

Sure, handshakes, haircuts and eating out were all great, but the one thing Gov. Andrew Cuomo is really missing during the coronavirus quarantine? Sports. 

“I don’t know why we can’t be watching it on television,” he said during an April 14 interview with CBS This Morning. “Why can’t you have sports games with no audiences? To start the sports and the entertainment so people have something to watch and follow.” 

He’s not the first to consider it – Major League Baseball is so desperate to come back that they might make everyone live in Phoenix for the whole summer. But bringing back sports would likely sacrifice safety for entertainment. Already, World Wrestling Entertainment has been criticized for its decision to resume live broadcasts.

Still, we at City & State understand the need to keep our governor – and all New Yorkers – entertained. So put away your Bills jersey and dust off your baseball bat – we have some suggestions for socially-distanced, Cuomo-approved televised “sports.”

Fishing

Tigers can catch COVID-19, but probably not fish, so let’s bring the governor’s favorite pastime back to the airwaves. 

H-O-R-S-E

An actual NBA game is out of the question – even if all the players have been tested, somehow – but the classic one-on-one game is fine, if players bring their own balls.

Snowmobile racing

No way could germs make it through the helmets. And while it’s too warm in New York, the pandemic has mostly avoided Alaska.

Ziplining

Is it a sport? No, but the whole point of these things is to socially distance. Stick a GoPro on somebody’s head and it’s great entertainment.

Motorcycle racing

A sport where wearing bandanas over your mouth is the norm could thrive right now. Just please limit speeds to 25 m.p.h. so nobody ends up in the E.R.

Sausage-eating

There might need to be some new measures put in place – like plexiglass cages for competitors – but the July 4 hot dog eating contest is absolutely happening.

Whitewater rafting

Add a little soap to the water and there’s no safer place to be than the raging rapids. Just make sure racers have time to sing “Happy Birthday” twice.

Golf

The state’s decision to keep public golf courses open during the pandemic caused some controversy, but if you want to keep President Donald Trump from meddling with New York, there’s really no better way to keep him busy.

Bare knuckle fighting

Coronavirus would be the least of the health concerns if you got Cuomo and New York City Bill de Blasio in the ring together. A pay-per-view fight for charity would break sales records. Winner gets to determine the city’s tax structure.