Raising Andrew: A Q&A with Matilda Raffa Cuomo

“When Andrew Cuomo says he has a plan, run away if you don’t want to hear it! Because if he’s got a plan … ,’ Matilda Raffa Cuomo trails off, probably thinking of 60 years worth of plans she’s heard from her son, the New York governor.

The specific plan she was talking about was hatched back in 1995, after her husband, Gov. Mario Cuomo left office, and his replacement, Gov. George Pataki canceled her beloved New York State Mentoring Program. So she said Andrew Cuomo called her and told his mom to go national – and international. She did, founding Mentoring USA, which now partners with schools to pair up young mentees with trained mentors in eight states, plus Italy and Spain.

Matilda Raffa Cuomo also chairs the New York State Mentoring Program, revived in 2015 by her son Andrew Cuomo. She spoke with City & State after announcing a new partnership where Hunter College students will mentor students at an East Harlem elementary school. She discussed how she and Andrew Cuomo are both helping parolees, whether she’s driven over the bridge named after her late husband and how Barbara Bush helped her. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

C&S: What did you do today with Hunter College President Jennifer Raab?

MRC: She is a wonderful lady and quite an exotic, terrific executive for that college. Because she knows exactly what the children need for the future. Plus, she can also orient her own students to be mentors, which is wonderful. Because they are going to make the future better for all of us as well. And if the colleges can do this, it’s a plus. All these students that are moving ahead for the future. You can understand that. You know, we want a better society. Kids who stay in school – we know this from Commissioner Elia from the state side and Commissioner Fariña, who just left recently – so it isn’t like we’re making it up. We know where the kids are, and the ones who need help.

C&S: You founded the New York State Mentoring Program in 1984, and still work with it today at age 86. How did it start?

MRC: Because of the huge incarceration rate of the young people in prison. And the state police told my husband that there was no room for them anymore. They had to get another prison built. And it was a real sad situation. So my husband (Gov. Mario Cuomo) looked at me and he said, you know, Matilda, you’re a mother of five children, you’re a teacher and you know what danger this presents if we don’t do something right away to see how we can curb this. Because we have to make children know better how to take care of themselves.

C&S: Incarceration is such a big topic today as well. Do you see that legacy continuing? Is mentoring just as important today?

MRC: Absolutely. We can get the schools ready that are failing. So I devised this program, 1-to-1, with mentor training on both sides, and the teachers enjoyed it immensely. As a teacher, I was happy to help them, because I know how awful it is when a child has no help anywhere and you can’t give up! You have to help this child. Both mentor and mentees train, and then it goes 1-to-1 and it’s for the whole year. And the achievements, the results, are amazing. Both in the child and the mentor. So the grades go up, the child has some kind of future that they feel they can make it. You see them smiling, confident, because it covers everything. It covers good manners. It covers the fact that they know when they study, they learn, they get better. Also their etiquette. We try to put all those wonderful characteristics that you need. When they meet you, they put out their hand, they say hello. You know, it's really wonderful! I saw it today at Hunter College! And it always gives me such a thrill when I see these kids.

C&S: Do you consider yourself to be a mentor to your son, Andrew?

MRC: Well I’ve been a mentor to all my children. I based the program on what I had to do with my five kids when Mario was very busy as an attorney, raising money for the family. If they needed help, I knew that it had to me 1-to-1. You never talk to a child in front of the other kids in your family and embarrass them. Don’t do that! There’s always a chance to get the child on the side, quietly, and talk to them, 1-to-1. Don’t embarrass the child because it doesn’t work. It’s not good. So I brought all that into my parenting, and the fact that I’m a teacher. A teacher also never should chastise a child in the classroom in front of everybody. What is that? Is that a spectacle that you want to present? No, that’s not right. Always dignity for the child. Let the child see how much you care for them by showing them dignity.

C&S: I’ve seen Andrew and Chris on TV, there’s definitely a little bit of joking in front of each other there, though.

MRC: Oh they do, they do. You know why? Because there’s a big (age) gap between them! Andrew is still on top of him, always overlooking what he’s doing. All the time. He’s a big brother, all right.

C&S: What are you focusing on now with Mentoring USA?

MRC: I am now into the men and boys who come out of prison (on probation). These young men, 1-to-1, to give them an older person who’s in business or whatever – to be a mentor to this young man who made mistakes and he’s out, and you don’t want him to go back to prison. And you give him this really wonderful, trained mentor to help him out. I want to tell you, it’s working better than I ever expected.

C&S: The governor just gave the right to vote to New Yorkers on probation, did you have any discussions with him?

MRC: I kissed him when I heard! You know why? I went to a program where I saw the results when they have a mentor for one year and they’ve been out – how much these fellows change, and they want to do something for the rest of their lives. And Andrew has given them the essence of what you get when you try hard enough to make life work for you, and not have to do bad things along the way. And this is working! It’s a wonderful thing!

C&S: Do you talk about any other policies?

MRC: How about the high school kids who know they’re not going to college because their parents can’t afford it? They know, they’re not stupid kids. And they’re now studying hard. I told Andrew, for heaven’s sake, help me out with this. This kid has to have the idea that they’ll make it, they’ll get into college. That’s the whole idea! That’s what you want them to know, and to feel – that urgency to do well in school. So he said to me, ‘Mom, if that’s the fear, and they are doing so well in school, why not? You give them a scholarship to go to college and you say, if they mentor a child while they’re a high school honors student, all the better.’ So I said, that’s wonderful! So I have more high school honors students than you can believe.

C&S: Barbara Bush just died. You were first ladies at the same time, did you cross paths?

MRC: I adored her. I really cared for her a great deal. She really came to Manhattan more than you’d believe and I used to meet with her. When I was doing Mentoring USA, she would have me come to the meetings with everybody else, all the other first ladies, have a table ready for me, put all my materials out. ‘Listen,’ she would say to everybody, ‘ladies’ – because they were all first ladies – ‘you now have to listen to Matilda, and she’s going to tell you what she does in New York state, and you have to do the same thing. All of you!’ Boy she was so tough. She was beautiful! And (the first ladies), they hated me! (laughs) I’m sure they must have hated me. But I explained the whole program to them. That’s when I got four, five states doing it.

C&S: Have you driven over the Gov. Mario M. Cuomo Bridge since the name changed? What was that like for you?

MRC: I was there at the outset, when (Andrew) explained to everybody, the why, the how, like an architect. He was telling them all about the bridge and everything. But I haven’t been – you mean it’s open?

C&S: Yes, you can drive on it!

MRC: Oh, I didn’t think they were doing that from this end. Oh I could do that. I’ve been so busy. But the fact is, that of course I’ll be going over it.

I enjoy it so much to see – it’s fate. My husband, he had a hard time the first time around when he became governor to get (upstate) votes. They said, ‘Leave us alone. You’re downstate, we’re upstate, get it?’ They were very angry! And (Mario) told me, ‘My god, we’ll never get over this. They’re very upset!’ And I said, ‘they will, they will,’ because I went up there a lot. We all gave them a lot of attention, which they needed, by the way. And right now! From Buffalo all the way down.

My husband won his election because he promised (upstaters): ‘No more the upstate/downstate treatment. This bridge goes upstate!’ (laughs) And he told them how they should come downstate and upstate!

Everybody wants to belong to the state, and Mario took that very much to heart. So does Andrew! I don’t know even that Mario spent as much time upstate as Andrew does. He loves it up there. He loves the freedom of the property, the land, you know? It is a great state. There’s no doubt about it, truly. Different, but beautiful.

C&S: Who are voting for in September?

MRC: Oh, well, I know my son will run. I will vote for him.

C&S: Have you ever watched an episode of “Sex and the City”?

MRC: No.

Correction: An earlier version of this post changed the wording of a question in a way that altered its meaning. The actual question was: "I’ve seen Andrew and Chris on TV, there’s definitely a little bit of joking in front of each other there, though."